Well, here we are facing another Scottish winter and I'm desperate for a man - that one in the picture above, if I'm honest. I'm spending every waking moment drooling; I can't think about my food or anything else. The only thing in my mind just now is SEX!!!!!! I was taken out to see a rather nice dog a few days ago but I wasn't interested. I've got my mind set on a white Puli, which is rarer than hen's teeth - but I can't help that.
Maybe I'd better change the subject - Those owners of mine are getting worse, the other day he found my pedigree/birth certificate and it seems they've got my age wrong. I've been going round telling everyone I'm 10 but I'm really 12! No wonder I feel knackered so much - fat lot they care trying to take me walks and long runs on the beach. Well, they can't do that at the moment or I'd probably end up with a beach full of randy dogs - and we don't want any little accidents do we.
Talking of accidents, the temperature here last week hit -20 C. You know the freezing point of urine? Well, it's not that low. So, I got taken short (after all, it's my condition) and went downstairs to relieve myself. It was about 2 am and the central heating was off, so I did what I had to do. Believe me, I knew what I was doing. Within minutes, it had frozen and I knew it would be easy for them to just pick up the sheet of ice and throw it out or whatever when they woke up. Great idea, I hear you say. Well, I think it was but I didn't take the central heating into consideration. So, when she got up in the morning, I just smiled and sort of gestured there was something for her to deal with when she had a moment. Physics was never my strong point but try explaining a lack of understanding of ambient temperature to your owners - huh!
The cat sends her love by the way. She had a great time reading some of my e-mails from mainly cat-lovers out there in cyberspace. I'm giving her a hard time at the moment, sort of whimpering and drooling over her. She really thinks I've got the hots for her and it drives her CRAZY! Between you and me, I just love winding her up and couldn't really bring myself to try anything on - we're too much like sisters to try and make a physical relationship work now.
Apart from my condition, not much has been happening recently. I've taken to burrowing under their bed to nest but I keep getting thrown out. It's not even that much fun in the car just now as the weather's way too gloomy. What's the point of going anywhere when you can't see the scenery for the mist? Talking of cars: Carly, the Renault 5 that takes me everywhere was off the road for a couple of months in the autumn. He blew the engine up. It makes you wonder. Why can't these people look after things? His excuse was "high mileage" whatever that means. He keeps ranting on about 194,000 miles on the clock but I've never been able to convert miles to kilometres, so I don't have a clue what he's talking about.
Anyway, Carly had a transplant at the car vet's so she seems to be back to her old self again and is as hacked off as me about the bad weather. If only I could drive, we could head off for some sun together. Carly, being French, says the South of France would be fine at this time of year and the idea certainly appeals to me but I doubt anything will ever happen. Still, I never thought I'd get my own page on the Internet. So, anything is possible. Hey! That reminds me, I was going to submit an entry to Yahoo to try and get my own visitors to my pages:
A day in the life of the archive dog.
Emma's last page?
...six months on.
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